It Is Easier To Hate Than To Forgive

 

 

      After all this has passed, after the sadness has eaten away at you, you will become desperately hungry for any other emotion than sadness. This is when the anger will set in. Now it is your angers time to turn you into yet another person you don’t recognize.

      Soon, the sun will rise and set on your anger, and it will blind you from any semblance of rationality and sanity and will strip you of any sense of power. Your resentment will control you; you will be putty in its destructive hands, a puppet to its wishes. In a fit of white hot rage, you will feel it grow into you, and you will grow into it, and soon, the two of you will become one body and mind. Everything will infuriate you. Every word will rub against your skin like sandpaper and will dissolve what little resolve you still have. Every smile and laugh will feel off and wrong in some fundamental way. Things that used to make you happy will feel abrasive and caustic, and each day will feel rough and unpleasant.

       This is the anger taking over. Sadness has had its fun, and now anger wants a turn.  Anger is very different from sadness, yet they are insidiously alike. Sadness, which you know like the back of your hand, is a friend, a safe haven, an excuse for those days when the sun just doesn’t shine. You know sadness; you are infinitely familiar with it. It knows you, and you know it. The both of you do your little dance and go on about your life. Sadness is normal.

 

        Anger, on the other hand, is a rotten guest. You did not invite it inside, yet one day, you walk downstairs and see it sitting on your living room couch, suitcases in hand, staking its claim and making itself comfortable. All day long it will stare at you and assess the most effective way to drive you insane.

 

        It will do just that. The unfamiliarity of it all is enough to drive you mad. Once it arrives, everything is on high alert: every feeling is intensified, every situation heightened. You feel as though you are high, drunk, intoxicated with your own resentment. You are literally stumbling through your days, trying to cure yourself of something that is sharing your mind.  It will be incredibly difficult to fight--almost impossible. And it drains you of your determination and power and fortitude, so you are left defenless against it. They say it's better to forgive than to hate, but it is far, far easier to hate and never bother with forgiveness.  

 

        It will stay for quite some time, unfortunately. You see, resentment is patient; it waited calmly and eagerly for the moment sadness would no longer fuel your fire and it could ride in on a white horse and save the day. It has studied you for years, found and memorized every single nook in which you keep your darkest, most personal hatreds and vexations that you do not want brought to the surface. 

 

         But eventually, they will come, and they will become all you can see. You were bound to feel other emotions sometime, but you never dreamed it would be this intense and this unnerving, but prepare yourself, because anger will strike soon. And once it does, you won’t be the same person. You will hate life. You will hate others. You will hate yourself.